We all do it. Overthink. Obsessing. Turn minor setbacks into existential crises. A misplaced word in an email, a missed deadline, an unanswered text - we let these things consume us.

But what if a simple phrase could help us take a step back and breathe?

“It’s just.”

Two little words that can shift your perspective, lighten your mental load, and help you focus on what really matters.

 

How 'It's Just' Changed My Life

Failing My Driving Test (Again and Again and Again)

For a long time, getting my driving license was one of the hardest things I had ever attempted. I failed not once, not twice, but four times. Every failure felt like a personal catastrophe. I was convinced it meant something bigger—maybe I was fundamentally incapable, maybe I wasn't meant to drive, maybe I just sucked at life.

Then my mother told me something that changed everything:

"It's just a driving lesson. It's just one test."

She wasn't dismissing my frustration—she was helping me see reality. This wasn't a reflection of my intelligence, my worth, or my future success. It was just one test on one day, and I could always take another. Eventually, I passed. And now? Nobody asks how many times it took me.

 

Heartbreak & Perspective

The same mindset helped me when my heart got broken. At first, the pain felt overwhelming—like nothing would ever be the same. But slowly, I learned to remind myself:

“It's just one of many.”

One relationship doesn't define my whole life. One heartbreak doesn't mean love won't happen again. One moment of sadness doesn't erase all the joy still ahead.

"It's just" helped me keep going.

 

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Why We Overcomplicate Life

Our brains are wired to make everything feel big and urgent.

• A critical email feels like a career-defining moment.
• A negative comment lingers in our minds for hours.
• One rejection makes us question our entire self-worth.

Why? Cognitive biases.

• The spotlight effect makes us think everyone notices our mistakes (they don't).
• The negativity bias makes failures feel bigger than successes.
• The illusion of permanence makes us believe today's struggles will last forever.

But they won't. And that's where “It's just” can be powerful.

 

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The Science and Philosophy Behind 'It's Just'

Oliver Burkeman's 'Cosmic Insignificance Therapy'

In Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman introduces the concept of cosmic insignificance therapy—the idea that realizing our smallness in the universe can actually be liberating.

As he puts it:

“To remember how little you matter, on a cosmic timescale, can feel like putting down a heavy burden that most of us didn't realize we were carrying in the first place.”

If nothing we do is permanently etched into history, why waste time obsessing over small mistakes? That awkward email? The presentation that didn't go well? The rejection letter? In the grand scheme, they are nothing more than blips on the radar. Why carry the weight of something that, from the cosmic perspective, doesn't matter?

By embracing this truth, we can free ourselves from the paralyzing fear of failure and say, “It's just an email,” “It's just one mistake,” “It's just one opportunity.” Because in reality, that's all it is.

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Stoic Wisdom: We Suffer More in Imagination Than in Reality

The Stoics figured this out thousands of years ago.

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote in Meditation:

"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

What does that mean? Most suffering comes not from the event itself, but from the meaning we assign to it.

Seneca, another Stoic thinker, put it even more bluntly:

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Think about it:

• You send an email and then spend hours worrying about how it was received.
• You replay an awkward conversation in your head, crying every time.
• You anticipate failure before it even happens, making yourself miserable in advance.

But in reality? No one else is thinking about it as much as you are.

Applying “It's just” to these situations is a way of putting Stoic wisdom into practice. It's a reminder that most things are far less serious than they feel in the moment.

 

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How to Use 'It's Just' in Daily Life

Try to apply “It's just” in these situations:

• Dealing with setbacks: “It’s just one bad meeting, not my whole career.”
• Reducing decision fatigue: "It's just a T-shirt. No need to overthink."
• Staying motivated: "It's just one workout. I don't have to love it, I just have to do it."
• Breaking down big tasks: "It's just one email. I can send it."
• Facing rejection: “It's just one 'no.' There are more opportunities ahead.”

The power of this phrase is that it shrinks problems down to their true size.

 

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When 'It's Just' Doesn't Work

The Hard Limits

There are moments when “It's just” doesn't apply.

• When my mother passed away, I could not say “It's just a mother.”
• When facing deep grief, injustice, or trauma, dismissing feelings isn't helpful—it's avoidance.
• Some pain needs to be fully felt, not reframed.

The Soft Limits: When 'It's Just' Becomes an Excuse

Then there are the times when we use 'It's just' as self-sabotage.

• “It’s just five minutes of social media” → But 45 minutes later, you're still scrolling.
• “It's just one more episode of Friends” → But suddenly, it's 2 AM, and tomorrow is ruined.
• “It's just one more cookie” → But your goal was to eat more mindfully.

Here, “It's just” is a trap. It makes small indulgences feel harmless—until they add up.

The key? Use 'It's just' with intention.

 

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The Lesson? Know Your Limits, But Don't Fool Yourself.

Some things aren't small. But many things are.

Life gets easier when we can tell the difference.

So, try it today. What's one thing you can reframe with “It's just”?

👉 Want to set better boundaries? Download my free guide: “Say No Confidentially.”