Erika Magyarosi Trainer & Coach & Keynote Speaker

Why We Need to Rethink the Word “Impossible”

Erika Magyarosi — Fri, 24 Jul 2026 10:59:58 +0000

I have been collecting the word “impossible” the way other people collect stamps, for a TEDx talk on the subject. Nine languages so far, across five language families. Not one of them builds the word from a lie.

That’s the finding that changed how I think about my own work.

In English, impossible sounds like a verdict, a closed door, a fact about reality itself.

But when I looked at what these words are actually built from, a different idea kept appearing.

Across completely different languages, I found the same underlying pattern. Not “this isn’t real,” but something much closer to “this isn’t within reach yet.”

It’s a small difference in language. But if you’ve ever carried a goal that felt impossible, it’s a completely different way of thinking about it.

A pattern I didn’t expect

I started with the three languages I trusted most before checking anything else. Latin, Greek and Sanskrit all build the word around ability or becoming, never around falsehood.

Because they share a common ancestor, that alone wasn’t enough to convince me. I wanted to know whether the same idea appeared elsewhere.

So I kept looking.

Japanese. Hebrew. Turkish. Chinese. Arabic.

Different language families. Different histories. Yet they kept pointing in the same direction.

Here’s the shortest version of what I found:

Language	What “impossible” is built around
Latin – “impossibilis”	Ability
Greek – “adynatos”	Ability
Sanskrit – “asaṃbhava”	Coming into being
Japanese – “muri”	What is reasonable in the situation
Hebrew – “i efshar”	What is possible
Turkish – “imkânsız”	The means
Chinese – “bù kěnéng”	Ability and permission

One language, though, stopped me cold.

In Arabic, مستحيل (mustaḥīl), “impossible”, comes from a verb that also means “to transform.” The same verb carries both meanings.

In Arabic, you cannot say impossible without also saying transformed.

That changes the way I think about the word.

It stops sounding like a final verdict and starts sounding more like a description of a moment.

Not something that can never happen, but something that hasn’t become what it could become yet.

One distinction is worth keeping separate from all of this: Of course, a square circle is still impossible. Two contradictory things cannot both be true.

But that’s not the kind of impossible most of us struggle with.

What these languages describe instead is practical impossibility: not enough means, not the right conditions, not yet the right moment.

Why this matters for women with a goal

I started seeing the same pattern everywhere.

In particular, in the women I work with.

You’re sitting on a project whose conditions haven’t arrived yet.

Not a contradiction in reality.

You also have a body of knowledge with nowhere to go because nothing is forcing it to become finished.

I hear some version of the same sentence from almost every woman before she joins me: I’ve been almost launching, almost getting the promotion, almost finishing, for months, or years.

Overinformed and underdecided. Sitting on more expertise than she has structure for.

The goal didn’t die. In at least one language on this planet, it’s currently the same word as a project mid-transformation.

That’s why I couldn’t stop thinking about that Arabic word. It reminds me that what feels impossible is often still in the middle of becoming something else.

Master the Impossible creates the right conditions

That’s the entire idea behind Master the Impossible: a deadline, a cohort and one meaningful goal, creating the conditions that so many ambitious women have been missing.

It’s a room you keep showing up to.

For twelve weeks, one goal gets your full attention. The one you’ve been carrying for a year, maybe longer, finally has a place where it is protected, structured and expected to be finished.

Past cohorts have walked away with a first landing page and something real to sell. A manuscript that had sat untouched for years, moving again, 13,000 words in. A certification exam finally booked after two years of saying, “I’ll do it when things calm down.”

Those are the ordinary, adult, finished version of a thing you already knew how to start, not a launch fantasy.

If you’re reading this and you already know which goal I mean, that recognition is the whole signal.

You don’t need to feel ready. You need the room.

Join Master the Impossible, and let’s turn impossible into something with your name on it.

Stereotype Threat: How Understanding It Can Unlock Women’s Potential

Erika Magyarosi — Mon, 04 May 2026 18:43:24 +0000

For many strong, ambitious women, success can feel strange. From the outside, it looks like we are doing well. But inside, something feels stuck. We feel that we are not really allowed to shine. This silent feeling has a name: a lack of self-permission. And often, it grows from beliefs we never chose — beliefs about who is “allowed” to succeed.

I know this feeling well.

As a young woman studying philosophy — a field full of men — the message was loud and clear: women would not be taken seriously here. I started to believe it. I doubted my own ideas. I kept quiet in debates. I made myself small, just to fit in.

Later, as an immigrant in Germany, the same voice came back in a new shape: “You can’t be the best as a non-native speaker. One small mistake in German and everyone will see you don’t belong here.” While I worked and studied at the same time, I was sure I had no right to be excellent. Looking back, I see I didn’t need more time. I needed one honest moment with myself — a moment to see what was really holding me back.

That moment changed everything. And it is the same moment I want to give you today.

Why I can speak about this with precision: in 17 years of coaching I have worked with more than 15,000 people — most of them women. I have delivered over 1,000 workshops in German and English, around 30 keynotes, and spoken on the TEDx stage at Erasmus University College on How Reading Can Save You Years. The pattern I am about to describe is not theoretical. It is the single most common reason brilliant women plateau — and the most fixable one.

What is “Stereotype Threat”?

Stanford psychologist Claude Steele coined the term stereotype threat — the fear of confirming a negative belief about your group. In his now-classic 1999 study with Steven Spencer and Diane Quinn, a group of women took a difficult math test. Half were told the test showed gender differences. Half were told it did not. Same women, same test. The women told the test was gender-neutral performed significantly better. The threat in the air was enough to lower performance in the other group.

Steele calls it “a threat in the air” — a quiet pressure that says: People like you are not expected to succeed here.

For women in philosophy, science, technology, mathematics, and leadership, this pressure is constant.

Here is the point most women miss: this is not just a feeling. It changes how the brain works. Under stereotype threat, stress hormones rise. Working memory drops. There is measurably less mental capacity available for the task. Women are not less smart, less logical, or less ready. They are spending cognitive resources fighting an invisible story — and the story wins by depleting the very capacity they need to disprove it. (If you want to understand why your brain feels drained more generally, I wrote about it here: The Unhappy Brain Epidemic.)

At its core, stereotype threat is one structural “No”. It is the world quietly telling women: You are not allowed to be brilliant here.

The first step to break free is to see the wall.

The Permission Problem

Many women were taught early to wait. To wait to be chosen. To wait to be invited. To wait until someone said: Yes, you can.

So they learn to look outside themselves for permission. And when they win, they say: Oh, I was just lucky. Or It is just a small thing. Or Someone helped me. They almost never say: I worked hard. I am good at this. I deserve it.

Even with a CV full of evidence, the inner voice still says: I am not ready. I am not enough. I do not deserve this.

The reason is structural, not emotional. The brain has been trained to register safety from external praise, not internal trust. To rewire this, the prefrontal cortex — the executive layer — has to be engaged deliberately to override the old script. The same mechanism applies to mood and energy regulation, which I cover here: Happy Brain. Happy Life.

This is the turning point. If no one is going to give you permission, you give it to yourself.

Awareness is Already Half the Healing

The most useful finding in the stereotype threat research is this: simply knowing about it reduces its effect. Studies have shown that briefing women on stereotype threat before a task partially neutralises the performance gap.

When you can name the invisible pressure, it loses its grip. You begin to see: This is not a fact about me. This is an old story the world taught me.

For me, learning that stereotype threat and impostor feelings are biases, not facts was a moment of structural freedom. It let me separate the world’s small ideas about me from my real potential. Sometimes that also meant letting go of a goal that was never really mine — and choosing one that was.

Awareness creates leverage. When you understand the mechanism, you can change the outcome.

How to Give Yourself Permission — Every Day

This is the execution layer. Four steps, in order.

1. Notice the moment you stop yourself. Before you speak in a meeting, before you apply for the role, before you raise your hand — there is a small internal pause. A quiet “no.” Catch it. Then ask: What would I do right now if I was already allowed?

2. Say the permission out loud. Every morning: I give myself full permission to apply for this. To speak up in this meeting. To ask for this raise. To take up space. It will feel strange at first. Do it anyway. Hearing your own voice say “yes” rewires the pattern.

3. Count every completed action as a data point. Every time you do something the old voice said you “couldn’t,” you have new evidence. Not borrowed evidence from someone clapping. Evidence from yourself.

4. Engineer your environment. Find mentors, peers, and colleagues who already operate at the level you are stepping into. Identity is contagious. The people around you set the ceiling — make sure your ceiling is high enough.

If you want to do this work in a structured way — not alone, but with a clear system — this is exactly what I built Master the (Im)possible to deliver. It is a step-by-step path for women who are finished playing small and ready to operate from full capacity. If something inside you just said yes, this is for me — trust it.

You Are Allowed

Giving yourself permission is how you move from blocked to operational.

When you name the pressure that holds you back, you create space to write a new script. When you stop waiting for the world to say “yes” and start saying it to yourself, you reclaim the cognitive bandwidth you were losing to self-doubt — the same bandwidth stereotype threat was taxing.

Every woman who gives herself this permission becomes a data point for the next one. Every visible step you take makes the structural path wider for the women operating behind you.

So this is the message:

You are allowed.

You are allowed to be brilliant. You are allowed to be precise. You are allowed to take up space, to make your ideas visible, to ask for what you want, to operate from your full capacity rather than a fraction of it.

The permission you were waiting for was always yours. Take it.

About Erika Magyarosi

Erika Magyarosi is the founder of IMPETUS and a performance architect for highly intelligent, ambitious women. In 17 years she has coached over 15,000 people, delivered more than 1,000 workshops in German and English, given around 30 keynotes, and spoken on the TEDx stage at Erasmus University College (How Reading Can Save You Years). She is fluent in four languages at native level. Her standard: You do not leave with ideas. You leave with results.

Flagship programs: Master the (Im)possible · Speed Reading Mastery · Unbusy Yourself

92% of people never achieve their goals. Here is what changed for the ones who did.

Erika Magyarosi — Sat, 11 Apr 2026 15:46:31 +0000

Research from the University of Scranton shows that 92% of people who set goals never achieve them. The average online program loses 87% of its participants before the final lesson. Most people reading this have experienced both sides of those numbers. You set the goal. You meant it. Somewhere in the middle, it stopped.

The reason was never a lack of talent, and it was never laziness. It stopped because nothing held the structure when life got loud.

I run a 12-week group coaching program called Master the (Im)possible. Over three cohorts, I collected weekly survey data from every single week. These were not satisfaction smiley faces. They were real questions about what moved, what slowed participants down, where they almost quit, and what brought them back.

All quotes in this article come from anonymized weekly participant surveys collected across three cohorts. Participants gave consent for their responses to be used for program development. To protect their privacy, no names are attached to individual quotes.

What follows is what I found.

The hard numbers

69% of participants finished their goal. Finished, as in completed. Compared to the 8% that research suggests is the norm, that number needs no commentary.

5% exceeded their original goal before the program ended. They ran out of goal before they ran out of structure.

90% made measurable progress on a project that had previously been stuck, some for months, some for years.

Across all participants and three cohorts, the dropout rate was 0%. Two participants paused briefly for personal reasons (one was giving birth). Both came back and finished!

The average rating was 4.9 out of 5, with 91% of participants giving the highest possible score.

Those numbers are clean, honest, and verifiable. Every data point comes from the participants themselves. But the numbers, as strong as they are, only tell you what happened. They do not tell you why.

That requires looking deeper.

Pattern 1: The coming back effect

75% of participants admitted there was a moment where they would have quit any other program.

This is the most important number in this entire article, because the question you are really asking before you sign up is probably not “Will I achieve my goal?” The real question is: “What happens when I lose momentum again?”

Here is what actually happened.

“When other areas of my life got tough, the first thing I felt like cutting was my project. Usually, I would have just given up after falling off once.”

“There were several moments when I considered giving up. Prior to the program I would probably have given up, considered myself even more incapable of pursuing my goal.”

“I fell ill and was unable to do much for around two weeks. No golden behaviors were completed. I appreciated what Erika said: that if I could read just one sentence, that would count.”

One participant, who gave birth in the middle of the program, described the moment she almost walked away:

“I wanted to give up a few minutes before the deadline because I had technical issues I thought I couldn’t solve in time. I cried and then I did it anyways.”

She exceeded her original goal.

None of them left. The reason was not that they were more disciplined than you. The structure caught them before the old pattern could activate.

This distinction matters. Discipline is a finite resource. Structure is an environment. You do not need more willpower to finish something. You need a container that holds when your willpower runs out. That is the difference between a program that inspires you for a week and one that carries you for twelve.

Pattern 2: The identity reconstruction

Every single participant in the final survey described a change that went beyond what they achieved. They described a change in who they became.

A psychologist would flag this immediately. Behavior change is common. Identity change is rare. Most programs produce temporary shifts in output. This data shows shifts in self-perception that participants themselves identified and articulated unprompted.

“I am no longer the quiet little girl who doesn’t dare to stand up for her own goals and opinions.”

“I am much kinder to myself. I am now more aware of my self-limiting thoughts. I am careful with my energy and guarding my boundaries.”

“I see myself different now and can be a lot nicer to myself.”

“I’ve changed the way I see myself. Even taking small amounts of time for myself made a big difference in my well-being, my productivity, and how happy I felt.”

One participant carried seven years of grief about failing at university. She had not been able to speak about it without pain. Twelve weeks later, she wrote:

“Forgiving yourself for failing after 7 years feels like the biggest relief and of unmeasurable value.”

“I was able to pull through and battle my biggest fear of not being good enough.”

This is the territory beyond “I learned a new productivity trick.” This is “I relate to myself differently now.” The goal was the vehicle. The transformation was the destination.

Pattern 3: The real obstacle was never time

Across twelve weeks of weekly surveys, participants answered the question: “What slowed you down the most this week?” The answers form a remarkably consistent pattern.

The number one obstacle was never logistics. It was internal. Perfectionism. Fear of judgment. Impostor syndrome. All-or-nothing thinking. The conviction that if you cannot do it perfectly, you should not do it at all.

“The fear of judgment.”
— the same participant, week after week

“Perfectionism and self-doubt.”

“My imposter syndrome slowed me down the most. I kept thinking my ideas aren’t good enough.”

“I usually think in all or nothings. If I hadn’t managed some writing that day, I won’t do it in the evening because I didn’t do it earlier.”

“I thought Heidelberg is a so-called ‘Elite Uni’ and I failed at another one. So why would I succeed this time?”

This validates the core premise of the entire program. You are not the problem. Your approach didn’t hold. The thinking patterns you brought into the room are what stopped you before, and once participants could see those patterns clearly, the patterns lost their grip.

Pattern 4: By week six, people around them noticed

A sociologist would call this “identity performance shift,” the moment when internal change becomes legible to others.

By week six, participants began reporting that the people around them were responding differently. This happened without the participants announcing a transformation. The shift was simply visible.

“Someone wrote me on LinkedIn asking whether I could advise him. He didn’t ask the internet. He didn’t ask our competitors. He asked me.”

“The simple but magic steps made shifts possible I was afraid of the months before.”

“On Friday, I phoned around 10 companies to ask about my sponsorship offer and it wasn’t half as terrible as I thought it would be.”

“I noticed it when I wrote an email, got a silly answer back, and for the first time I didn’t care. I didn’t overthink it. I just moved on.”

“After I had the conversation I felt very proud, because I was so scared.”

When other people start treating you differently, you are no longer just feeling a change. You are living one.

Pattern 5: The group as holding environment

100% of participants named the group as a factor in their results. This level of consistency was unexpected.

In psychology, a “holding environment” is a space where risk-taking becomes safe because the container is strong enough to catch you if you fall. That is what the group became, across all three cohorts, without exception.

“I was surprised by the way that working in a group motivated me. I always thought groups aren’t really my thing.”

“Even when I didn’t give it my all one week, I could still see the amazing progress of the others, which kept me going.”

“The support from the community and the sense of accountability. Knowing that I had someone to answer to kept me focused.”

“Hearing that other people, that I think are interesting, kind and intelligent, struggle too.”

” Three people from my close circle independently asked if something wonderful had happened. I was literally radiating. At the same time, I felt relaxed, not rushed, and made it to every appointment on time. The biggest impact for me: If I can do this, I can cultivate other personality traits in myself too – and with joy”

The group did not create pressure. It created permission. Permission to have a bad week without it becoming a reason to quit, and permission to show up imperfectly and still count it.

Pattern 6: The permission to go slow

This might be the most counterintuitive finding in the entire dataset.

In a program built around achievement and goal completion, the thing participants valued most was the permission to not perform. When one participant was ill for two weeks and could do nothing, the program did not punish her. It told her that reading one sentence counts. When another participant wanted to cut her project during a hard week, the structure held. When a third gave birth in the middle of the program, she was told to rest, and she came back and exceeded her goal.

This is the opposite of what most achievement programs do. Most programs stack pressure on top of the pressure you already carry. This one removes it.

And this is where it gets interesting. The participants who were given permission to go slow did not go slow. They came back faster. They re-engaged with less resistance. They finished.

Pattern 7: Results that would not have existed without the program

100% of participants who answered the question “What would not have happened without this program?” named something concrete. These were not theoretical improvements or vague feelings of inspiration.

“I would have not even attempted to write a book. It would have stayed a dream that didn’t really seem achievable.”

“That I started to post and make myself visible. Probably never.”

“No visibility, not at all. No website ready. No daily posting.”

“I was procrastinating for one and a half years with my positioning. Inside the program it was done in four weeks.”

“The thing I didn’t know I needed, but which helped me tremendously to reach my goal with my head held high. I can now say, I did it and feel proud.”

These are websites that exist, books that are being written, businesses that became visible, university applications that were submitted and accepted. Structure did not motivate these women. Structure made the results structurally inevitable.

Behind the numbers

When you look beyond the completion rates and the star ratings, this is what the data actually shows.

WHAT WE MEASURED	WHAT WE FOUND
Almost quit but came back	75% hit that moment. 100% stayed.
Identity shift	100% described themselves differently after.
#1 obstacle	Their own thinking patterns, not time or money.
Others noticed the change	By week 6, the shift became visible.
The group effect	100% named the group as a factor in their results.
Bad weeks	The program holds, even when you cannot.
Would not have happened alone	100% named concrete results they attribute to the program.

What the participants said when I asked them to be honest

In week nine, I asked participants to write a warning label for the program. No polish, no marketing, just the truth.

“Get used to being successful. You canNOT reset that.”

“Warning: May cause extreme drive to tackle projects you didn’t even dream of finishing.”

“Warning: Powerful chain reaction.”

“Watch out. Your imposter is a SOB and hits you hard, especially if you don’t expect it.”

“Be aware: this journey may change your everyday routines and your life.”

“I am working on my goal even when I am scared and all voices in my head tell me that I am going to fail anyway.”

And when I asked who should never join this program, the answers were equally clear.

“Someone who is not willing to look truth in the eye.”

“People who have given up on growing in life and who are neither passionate nor curious about anything.”

“The program is nothing for people who do not genuinely want to work on themselves.”

This is not a program for everyone. It is a program for people who have already decided that their project matters, and what they need is a structure that does not let them disappear when things get difficult.

There is one thing left to say

You have started before. You have planned before. You have told yourself “this time will be different” before. And it was not different, because nothing in the environment changed. The same calendar, the same obligations, the same internal patterns, the same moment in week three or week five where the energy drops and the project quietly slides off the table.

What this data shows is that when the structure holds, people do not drop off. They come back. They finish. And they come out the other side describing themselves in words they did not have twelve weeks earlier.

That is not inspiration. That is architecture.

Research shows 8% of people achieve the goals they set. Inside Master the (Im)possible, 69% finish.

The structure holds. And so do the people inside it.

Join us!

Master the (Im)possible runs for 12 weeks. 3 times a year. Small group. Weekly accountability. A structure that holds when yours doesn’t.

If you have a project that matters to you and you are tired of watching it stall in the middle, this is what the program was built for.

Learn more about Master the (Im)possible → https://online.erikamagyarosi.com/master-the-impossible

Sources

Norcross, J.C. & Vangarelli, D.J. (1988). “The resolution solution: Longitudinal examination of New Year’s change attempts.” Journal of Substance Abuse, 1(2), 127-134.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2980864/

Gotian, R. (2024). “92 Percent of People Never Achieve Their Goals.” Psychology Today.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/optimizing-success/202412/92-percent-of-people-never-achieve-their-goals

Online course completion rates (5-13% average). “The Course Completion Rate Problem.” CommuniPass, 2026.
https://communipass.com/blog/course-completion-rate-problem/

Onah, D.F.O., Sinclair, J. & Boyatt, R. (2014). “Dropout Rates of Massive Open Online Courses: Behavioural Patterns.” University of Warwick.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/273777281

Matthews, G. “Goals Research Summary.” Dominican University of California. Writing down goals increases achievement likelihood by 42%.

Jordan, K. (2015). “Massive open online course completion rates revisited: Assessment, length and attrition.” International Review of Research in Open and Distributed Learning, 16(3), 341-358.
https://oro.open.ac.uk/43566/

Glance, D. (2014). “Online courses, diets, and going to the gym. The science of why we give up.” The Conversation / Stanford-UWA research.
https://theconversation.com/online-courses-diets-and-going-to-the-gym-the-science-of-why-we-give-up-33746

All participant data collected through anonymized weekly program surveys across three cohorts of Master the (Im)possible (2024–2026).

The Science of Doing Nothing: Why Real Rest is a Power Move

Erika Magyarosi — Thu, 07 Aug 2025 14:24:20 +0000

You made it: The project is handed in, the out-of-office reply is on. Your suitcase is packed, your inbox (almost) cleared.

You’ve earned this break – in every sense of the word. And yet, now that you have time, something feels off. Your body’s in holiday mode. But your mind? Still stuck in hustle.

Why you struggle to switch off

If you’re a high-achieving woman, a leader, someone who thrives on growth – you’re not alone. Many career-driven women and men report that true rest feels foreign. Even in their most well-deserved holidays.

Why? Because we’ve been trained to equate our worth with productivity.
To feel valuable only when we’re achieving, delivering, performing. No wonder real rest feels unfamiliar. No wonder switching off is harder than any meeting you’ve just survived.

But think about this:
The very stress you’ve been under makes rest not just important. It makes rest essential. And learning how to actually do nothing might be the most transformative thing you do all summer.

Rest is not a reward. It’s a precondition for sustainable success.

Let’s start with a truth that feels radical in a productivity-obsessed culture:
Rest is not what you earn after you’ve done enough. It’s what allows you to lead, create, and grow at your highest level.

Our brains, brilliant as they are, aren’t designed to be “on” 24/7. Neurologically, we need downtime to consolidate memories, process emotions, and replenish our capacity to focus. Without rest, even simple tasks become harder. Our creativity drops. Our mood tanks. Decision fatigue creeps in.

In short: Without real recovery, we’re not high performers – we’re just tired.

So what counts as real rest?

Scrolling LinkedIn in a sun lounger is not rest. Bingeing a leadership podcast while checking emails is not rest. Even lying on a beach – if your mind is replaying next quarter’s projects – is not rest.

Real rest is something else entirely:

It’s being present.
It’s giving your mind permission to wander without direction.
It’s doing something so simple, so delightfully unproductive, that your nervous system finally lets go.

The neuroscience behind mental recovery

Neuroscience backs this up: the default mode network – your brain’s backstage team – only activates when you’re not focused on any task.

This is the space where creativity brews, emotional clarity surfaces and strategic insights arise. The kind no meeting could deliver.

As a woman (or man) in business, you need this mental space not despite your ambition, but because of it.

Want a happy brain? Here are 3 things to stop doing on your vacation

If you want to return recharged, there are a few things you should not do. It may be a little difficult in the first days, but it gets easier day by day. Fore sure. And yes, I know what I’m talking about. I used to pack a To-Do relaxation list for my holidays with a lot of lovely things – until they became just another performance of productivity.

Don’t check work emails “just in case.”
Even if you’re just “quickly checking.” Your brain doesn’t know the difference between real work and anticipated work – it stays in alert mode either way.
Don’t over-structure your time off.
A hyper-planned itinerary is just a to-do list with prettier views. Leave space for spontaneity.
Don’t try to be “productive” about relaxing.
Meditation apps, yoga routines, journaling prompts – they can all be beautiful. But only if they feel nourishing, not like another item on the list.

Instead, try these science-backed – and pleasantly simple – ways to truly recharge:

Let your thoughts drift. No podcast and no agenda. Just you and a park bench.
Engage your senses. Swim. Smell fresh fruit. Feel the sun on your skin. Sensory input grounds us in the now.
Nap guilt-free. Science says even 10–20 minutes improves mood, memory, and focus. CEOs nap. So can you.
Move slowly. Not for calories or for steps. Just to feel alive in your body.
Stare into space. Yes, literally. Looking at distant horizons relaxes the eyes and the nervous system.

But what if rest feels still restless?

There’s the rub.
Many of us are so wired for “go” that “stop” feels like failure. If you’re used to solving, leading, achieving – doing nothing can feel uncomfortable.

But that discomfort isn’t failure. It’s your nervous system recalibrating. It’s the noise leaving your body.

Internalise: Rest isn’t the opposite of growth. It’s part of it!

When you rest well, you return different: Clearer. Calmer. More creative. Ready to lead again – from a place of inner steadiness.

And that’s not indulgence. That’s leadership.

So just try to start with one micro-moment of real rest: One walk without purpose. One hour with your phone off. One deep exhale with no goal. Let the summer air do its magic. And you’ll automatically make space for new success.

Ready for more? Subscribe to my newsletter!

Want more fresh impulses, playful challenges, and simple rituals? You can get them every Monday: Subscribe to the Happy Letter! Designed to awaken your happiness hormones.

The 6 Biggest Myths About Speed Reading – And What You’re Missing If You Still Believe Them

Erika Magyarosi — Mon, 28 Jul 2025 13:34:33 +0000

Speed reading often sounds like some kind of overhyped trick – like drinking five espressos and suddenly becoming a genius. And honestly? I get the skepticism. I’d feel the same – if I hadn’t experienced for myself what just a bit of training can do. It’s not magic. But it feels a little magical.

This article isn’t here to convince you. It’s simply an invitation. A different way of looking at something you might think you already know. Because maybe the most common ideas about speed reading aren’t truths at all – just habits of thinking.

Myth #1: Speed reading kills the joy of reading

This is the classic one. The cozy book lover says, “I want to relax with my book, not race through it.” And I totally get it. I love getting lost in a book, too. So lost that I forget time, space – and sometimes my tea boiling over (true story).

But here’s the thing: Enjoyment doesn’t depend on speed. Think back to when you first learned to read. Every word was a struggle. Every sentence, an achievement. And still – you enjoyed the story. Over time, your reading got faster. Not because you rushed, but because your brain and eyes got better at working together. The same thing happens with speed reading. It’s just the next step.

You read faster – and still feel everything. Only difference? You get to read more of the books you love. And maybe that’s the most joyful part.

Myth #2: If you read fast, you won’t understand anything

This myth is especially popular among people who read a lot for work: lawyers, researchers, editors – people who swim in text all day.

They say: “If I read too fast, I’ll miss something important.” Makes sense. At first glance. But actually – the opposite can be true. Let’s compare: Driving at 30 km/h vs. 140 km/h. Which one makes you more focused? Right. The faster one.

Speed creates focus. When you move quickly, your brain switches to “now” mode. You stop drifting off, stop thinking about what’s for dinner or how you forgot to reply to that email.

Same with reading. When you train yourself to read faster, you often understand more – not less. You stay in the flow. You stay with the text. And for people who read professionally, that can be a real game changer.

Myth #3: I already read fast enough

Ah, this one’s my favorite. Because it’s so human. Many people walk into my speed reading course thinking, “I’m already pretty quick.” Then we do a little test. Just one minute. A book. A timer. And then… silence. Some blinking. A soft: “Oh.”

The truth is: Most people read about 200 words per minute. Sounds fine – until you look at it over a lifetime. Let’s do the math:
10 minutes of reading a day = around 10 books a year.
Times 50 more years = 500 books.
That’s it.

Now imagine: With some training, you double your reading speed. Suddenly it’s not 500 – it’s 1,000 books. That’s 1,000 ideas. 1,000 adventures. 1,000 chances to be surprised. Speed reading doesn’t just change your pace. It expands your world.

Myth #4: Speed reading is only for nerds

You know the image: someone surrounded by stacks of academic papers, sipping green tea in a library corner. Speed reading? That’s for scientists. Or professors. Or maybe that one guy in your friend group who alphabetizes his bookshelf for fun.

But here’s the truth: Speed reading is for everyone.
For students who want to stay ahead.
For professionals who need to stay sharp.
For parents who wish they had time to finish just one book before their coffee gets cold.
Even for athletes who want to keep up with the latest training methods, or artists who want to dive into a new field.

Speed reading is simply a tool. A way to move through information with clarity – no matter what your passion is. It’s not about being “a certain type of person.” It’s about giving your mind the gift of more input – and your time the gift of space.

Myth #5: Speed reading doesn’t really add value

Let’s be honest – time is one of the most valuable things we have. And once it’s gone, it’s gone. So what if you could get back hours every week? What if reading took you half as long – and left you with double the knowledge?

That’s the real magic of speed reading. Whether you use that extra time to read more books, play with your kids, or just stare at the ceiling and think deep thoughts – it’s yours.
And yes, knowledge is power. But it’s also confidence. It’s creativity. It’s the difference between reacting and responding. Between copying others – and creating your own path.

The more you know, the more clearly you see. And the more clearly you see, the better you act. Not just for yourself – but for everyone around you.

Myth #6: Learning speed reading is complicated and takes forever

It sounds logical, right? If something promises big results, it must be hard. Maybe even painful. Possibly requiring incense, a PhD, or the sacrifice of your free evenings for the next three years.

But here’s the plot twist: Speed reading is surprisingly simple to learn. In my speed reading course, most participants double their reading speed in just one day. Yes – one day. Some even triple it. It’s one of the very few skills where results show up faster than your doubts can talk you out of it.

Of course, it’s not magic. You need to stay with it. It takes focus. A bit of challenge.
But complicated? Not really. It’s more like a switch you didn’t know you had – and once it’s flipped, things start to move.

Speed reading isn’t some elite tool reserved for superhumans. It’s a very doable, very practical, very human way to move your life forward.

Life is too short for unread books

And of course, speed reading isn’t a must. It’s not a competition. It’s not another item on your “self-improvement” checklist. It’s an option. For more clarity. More focus. More stories in your life.

Because honestly: life is too short for unread books.

PS: If you’re curious – here’s the best TEDx talk on the topic ;-). And if you ever want to try speed reading for yourself – I’d be happy to guide you:
You’ll find my newly designed speed reading online course here.

Happy Brain. Happy Life: Why Your Mood Isn’t Random – and How to Guide It With Science

Erika Magyarosi — Mon, 21 Jul 2025 15:10:54 +0000

Let’s get one thing straight: happiness is not an accident.

Sure, there are surprises. Coincidences. That barista who remembers your name. But behind every mood shift — up or down — is a finely tuned cocktail of brain chemistry.

This is where my concept of Happy Brain. Happy Life. begins.

Because when you understand how your brain’s “happy chemicals” work, you stop waiting for motivation. You start creating it.

So may I introduce your brain’s emotional A-team?

Say Hi to: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins!

1. Dopamine – Motivation’s Favorite Messenger

Think of dopamine as your internal cheerleader. It shows up when you make progress, accomplish something, or even just anticipate something good.

- Try this: Break big tasks into tiny, winnable steps. Celebrate often — yes, even the small stuff.

- Mini ritual: End your day by jotting down three “wins,” no matter how minor. Your brain will thank you.

2. Serotonin – Your Calm, Grounded Glow

Unlike dopamine’s high-energy buzz, serotonin brings the calm. It helps you feel stable, balanced, and safe in your world.

- Try this: Soak up early morning light. Practice daily gratitude.

- Mini ritual: Start your day by recalling one thing that makes you feel at peace. Breathe it in.

3. Oxytocin – The Bond Builder

Connection is a human need, not a luxury. Oxytocin deepens trust, empathy, and emotional closeness.

- Try this: Share appreciation out loud. Make time for people who recharge you.

- Mini ritual: Send a voice message to someone you care about — no agenda, just warmth.

4. Endorphins – The Energy Spark

Endorphins are your body’s natural mood enhancers. They kick in during movement, laughter, or even while listening to music.

- Try this: Move your body joyfully, not just dutifully. Let it be fun.

- Mini ritual: Pick a “power song” that always lifts your spirits — and dance to it like no one’s watching. Want one power song?

Your brain is not a black box.

Your brain is a garden — and you get to plant, water, and shape what grows.

No, you can’t control everything. But you can learn to nudge your chemistry. Daily. Kindly. With intention.

Turn your week into a happy one and try these happy brain habits:

Day	Chemical Focus	Try This
Monday	Dopamine	Choose 3 small wins to aim for — and celebrate them.
Tuesday	Serotonin	Get outside before noon, even just for 10 minutes.
Wednesday	Oxytocin	Tell someone what you appreciate about them.
Thursday	Endorphins	Move in a way that feels freeing, not forced.
Friday	Mix	Combine light, movement, connection and reward in one joyful hour.
Saturday	Reflect	Look back on your mood this week — what helped most?
Sunday	Chill	Just enjoy, no task here

So, what if your brain isn’t your saboteur — but your ally?

What if these tiny tweaks, repeated with care, could change your whole rhythm?

Because here’s the quiet truth: a happy brain leads the way.
To clarity. To courage. To joy.

Start today. One breath, one step, one small spark at a time. And step by step, you will transform your brain into a happy one. Happy Brain. Happy Life :-)!

Ready for more? Subscribe to my new newsletter!

Yeah, My Happy Letter has been launched! You’ll get fresh impulses, playful challenges, and simple rituals every Monday — designed to awaken your happiness hormones.

Subscribe to the Happy Letter

Sometimes You Don’t Need More Time. You Need One Honest Moment.

Erika Magyarosi — Thu, 10 Jul 2025 12:31:15 +0000

Let’s talk about time. Or rather, the story we keep telling ourselves about it.

How often do we hear – or say – the phrase “I just don’t have time”?

This sentence become our default explanation, our go-to excuse, our gentle way of letting ourselves off the hook.

But let’s pause here.

What if lack of time isn’t always the real issue? What if the deeper truth sounds more like this:

“I didn’t have the courage.”

That’s a tough one to admit, right? And yet—how often do we use “I was too busy” when what we really mean is:

“I was scared.”
“I wasn’t ready to be seen.”
“I didn’t want to fail.”
“I didn’t know where to start.”

The truth that stings a little:

Sometimes we need one honest moment with ourselves and not more hours.

A moment to stop pretending that time is the enemy.
A moment to stop outsourcing our power to the clock.

Because often, time isn’t the real problem.
We’re just avoiding the discomfort that comes with starting.

Let’s be real: we’ve had time.

We’ve:

Scrolled
Snacked
Deep-cleaned the kitchen with the intensity of a home makeover show

All in the name of “preparing” or “clearing your head.”

We’ve all been there.
Me too.

Here’s the real shift:

Time management is sometimes just courage management in disguise.

And courage is rarely loud. It’s not a bold declaration.
It’s quiet. Unassuming. Often invisible from the outside.

Sometimes, courage looks like:

Opening the laptop.
Pressing “send” on an email that’s been sitting in drafts for weeks.
Allowing yourself to begin, even if you’re not sure where it will lead.

It’s acting despite the fear. It’s honoring the quiet voice inside that says:

“You’re ready enough.”

What if you gave yourself just five minutes?

To begin. Not to finish.

To sketch the idea.
To outline the dream.
To message the person — not because it’s urgent, but because it matters.

There’s no perfect time. No magical alignment of stars. Only this moment — and your willingness to meet it.

So if you had time to read this…

You definitely have time to honor the next brave step.
It doesn’t have to be big.
It just has to be real.

Do it.

Find clarity and momentum with my free guide

And yes, I know: It’s not always just time or courage.
Sometimes it’s something deeper.

In my free guide “This Time I’ll Finish It”, I’ll show you 7 invisible blockers that trip up even the most capable people — and how to move through them with clarity and momentum.

Get it here for free

The Unhappy Brain Epidemic : Why Your Mind Feels Drained and How To Fix It

Erika Magyarosi — Thu, 20 Mar 2025 13:14:35 +0000

Ever feel like your brain is just worn out? Not just tired from lack of sleep, but genuinely drained, foggy and overwhelmed? You’re not alone. In a world that never stops demanding our attention, our brains are struggling to keep up – and they’re not happy about it.

An “unhappy brain” is one that’s constantly bombarded with information, notifications and multitasking. It leaves you feeling scattered, distracted and mentally drained. The good news? You don’t have to live like this. By understanding why your brain feels this way, and learning how to give it the right kind of rest, you can take back control.

What is an unhappy brain?

Your brain wasn’t built for endless scrolling, constant notifications and multitasking chaos. When it’s stuck in this overstimulated state, it goes into burnout mode – leaving you feeling foggy, unmotivated and, well, just plain tired.

An unhappy brain might look like this:

Difficulty concentrating on tasks, even simple ones
A nagging sense of mental fatigue that never really goes away Irritability and frustration without a clear cause
Difficulty falling asleep or waking up feeling exhausted
A lack of creativity and motivation

Sound familiar? It’s not just you. Our modern, screen-saturated lives are setting our brains up to fail. Let’s find out why.

The Unhappy Brain Epidemic

Let’s be honest—feeling mentally exhausted all the time has become almost normal. We live in a world where we’re always connected to our phones and there are never-ending to-do lists, which puts a lot of pressure on our brains. It’s not just you or your busy lifestyle—it’s a global problem.

I call this the “unhappy brain epidemic”. It is caused by modern habits that use up our mental energy every day. For example, we have multiple screens and we are always connected. This makes our brains work too hard to keep up.

Here are some statistics that show this problem:

Information Overload and Stress: 76% of people in the world say that having too much information makes them stressed (SAGE Journals).
Digital Device Usage and Mental Health: A 2019 report on workplace productivity found that 87% of American office workers spend an average of seven hours a day looking at screens, with more than half reporting fatigue or depression caused by digital overload (McLean Hospital).
Social Media and Mental Health: Studies have found a link between heavy social media use and increased risks of depression, anxiety, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts (Columbia Psychiatry).
Problems with Social Media and Teenagers: In fact, one in 10 teenagers show signs of problematic social media behaviour. This means they have trouble controlling how much time they spend on social media and are experiencing negative consequences as a result (WHO).
Smartphone Addiction and Mental Health: Teens who use screens a lot are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression or anxiety (Nexus Health Systems).

These statistics show that using digital devices and platforms too much is not just a small habit, but a big cause of mental health problems.

I call this “The Unhappy Brain Epidemic”.

It shows that digital habits are causing a lot of stress for our brains and emotions. This problem is becoming more and more common. By understanding how digital overload affects us, we can start to make plans to protect our mental well-being. For example, we can set boundaries for how we use devices, do things in real life, and spend time with people who matter to us.

Why your brain is unhappy

Your brain craves variety and depth – things that are sorely lacking when you’re stuck on autopilot, switching between apps and screens all day. The constant bombardment of information and endless multitasking makes it hard for your brain to process, reflect and recharge.

This state of constant alertness leaves you mentally drained and emotionally exhausted. Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith, author of Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, explains that true rest isn’t just about sleep. It’s about addressing the many areas of your life where you may be lacking.

But here’s the rub: the digital world isn’t making it any easier. In fact, Oxford has crowned ‘brain rot’ as the word of the year for 2024 – a term that perfectly captures the scattered, foggy feeling we get from endless scrolling, notifications and digital overload. As Arlene Texeira writes, “It’s that nagging foggy feeling when your mind is scattered, your focus is shot, and productivity feels like a distant dream”. You can read more about it here.

The concept of “brain rot” is closely related to what I call the “unhappy brain” – a state where your mind feels constantly tired, unfocused and overwhelmed. It’s not just a temporary slump – it’s a deeper, more chronic problem that affects the way you think, feel and function.

To combat this, we need to address the root causes and give our brains the right kind of rest. Let’s look at how you can do just that with the seven types of rest your mind really needs.

7 types of rest your brain really needs

This post is inspired by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician and researcher who has dedicated her work to understanding why modern life leaves us mentally exhausted. In her book Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity, she identifies seven types of rest that our brains truly need. Let’s explore how each of these can help you reclaim your mental clarity and well-being.

If you feel stuck in a cycle of exhaustion, it’s time to rethink how you rest. Quality rest goes beyond sleep – it’s about restoring different aspects of your wellbeing. Here are the seven types of rest your brain craves:

Physical rest: Give your body a break- Physical rest is more than just getting enough sleep. It’s about letting your body relax and recover from stress.

Active rest: stretching, yoga and gentle exercise to release tension.
Passive rest: sleep and power naps to recharge.
Pro tip: Create a calming bedtime routine to signal your brain that it’s time to rest.

Mental rest: turn off the noise -Your brain needs downtime to process thoughts and clear mental clutter. Without it, your mind stays on overdrive.

Take breaks: Schedule short mental pauses throughout the day.
Mindful Breathing: A few minutes of deep breathing can help reduce stress and refocus your mind.
Pro tip: Set a timer to remind yourself to step away from screens regularly.

Take a sensory break: Escape the chaos Bright screens, loud noises and constant notifications put your brain on high alert. Give your senses a break.

Reduce screen time: Use apps like f.lux to minimise blue light at night.
Quiet time: Spend a few minutes in silence or listen to soothing music.
Pro tip: Designate tech-free zones in your home for a sensory detox.

Creative rest: Recharge your imagination If your creative juices feel dry, it’s usually because your brain is overworked. Give it some space to breathe.

Seek inspiration: Spend time in nature, visit a museum or read something outside your usual genre.
Create without pressure: Journaling, drawing or brainstorming without worrying about perfection.
Pro tip: Allow your mind to wander – it is in these unstructured moments that creativity thrives.

Emotional rest: Drop the mask It’s exhausting to pretend that everything is fine when you’re struggling. Emotional rest means being your authentic self without judgement.

Be real: Talk to someone you trust about how you’re really feeling.
Say No: Protect your mental space by setting boundaries.
Pro Tip: Practice self-acceptance, even when things aren’t perfect.

Social rest: Choose your people wisely Social burnout happens when you spend time with draining people or fake enthusiasm. You need connections that fill your cup.

Cultivate supportive relationships: Prioritise time with people who lift you up.
Skip the commitments: It’s okay to say no to social events that don’t serve you.
Pro Tip: Take a break from social media to recharge your real-life connections.

Spiritual Rest: Find your deeper purpose This isn’t necessarily about religion – it’s about feeling connected to something bigger than yourself.

- Practice gratitude: Reflect on what is truly important to you.
- Connect with your values: Engage in activities that give you a sense of purpose.
- Pro Tip: Spend a few minutes each day in quiet reflection or meditation.

Reboot your brain: Practical Tips

Now that you know the seven types of rest, how can you make them part of your routine?

Rest smart, not hard: Focus on the type of rest you need most right now.
Build routines: Small daily habits, such as short walks or journaling, can go a long way.
Track your progress: Notice how your mood and energy change as you make these changes.

Your brain deserves to be happy!

Living with an unhappy brain isn’t just frustrating – it’s exhausting. But it doesn’t have to be your reality. Start by choosing one type of rest to focus on today, and commit to small, manageable changes. You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes.

And here’s the kicker: one of the biggest drains on your mental wellbeing is saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’. Setting boundaries can feel daunting, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to protect your energy.

Download my free guide: “How to Say No with Confidence” Learn how to set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty or losing your connection.
Get your free guide now.

Your brain deserves better – give it the rest it needs and watch your focus, creativity and energy bounce back.

The psychology of giving up: Why giving up can be your best strategy

Erika Magyarosi — Sat, 15 Mar 2025 11:56:34 +0000

Most “successful” people would never admit this simple truth: strategic quitting is often the smartest move you can make. When I signed up for a half marathon (in a wine-fueled moment of ambition) and gave my TEDx talk just three days later, I faced the ultimate question we all wrestle with: When is the right time to quit?

The Art of Strategic Quitting

We’re conditioned to believe that quitting is synonymous with failing. “Winners never quit, and quitters never win,” they tell you. But that simplified mantra overlooks a crucial distinction: between giving up on a goal and rethinking your approach to that goal.

The most successful people aren’t the ones who never quit—they’re the ones who know exactly when and how to pivot. They understand that persistence doesn’t mean clinging stubbornly to the original plan, but consistently committing to the underlying aim.

When Quitting Becomes Wisdom

There are situations in which quitting isn’t just sensible—it’s the best decision:

When the costs outweigh the benefits. If your pursuit strains your mental health, your relationships, or other priorities, a reevaluation isn’t weakness—it’s wise.
When your “why” has changed. Goals you set months or years ago may no longer fit who you are—or want to become—today.
When better opportunities arise. Sometimes you cling to outdated commitments just because you’ve already invested time and energy—the classic sunk-cost fallacy.

The Courage to Redefine Success

The point with my half marathon isn’t whether I should quit altogether, but how I can redefine what “finishing” means.

Success isn’t binary. It exists on a spectrum of possibilities:

Run the entire distance

Alternate running and walking

Walk the entire distance

Celebrate every step, regardless of pace

The insight? I’m not quitting the race. I’m just changing my approach.

The Hidden Power of Flexibility

We often mistake flexibility for weakness. Yet the ability to adapt can be your greatest strength. Think of bamboo—it survives the strongest storms not by staying rigid, but by bending without breaking.

The same principle applies to your goals. When you allow yourself to adjust your approach while staying true to the underlying aim, you demonstrate real resilience.

The Strategy of Micro-Adjustments

Instead of treating your choices as binary (quit or push on), make micro-adjustments:

Redefine your success metrics. Maybe the finish isn’t about speed but simply about crossing the line.
Adjust your timeline. Maybe you need more preparation than you originally planned.
Find alternative approaches. Different paths can lead to the same destination.

This mindset turns a potential failure into a strategic adjustment.

The Power of ‘It’s Just’: How Two Words Can Simplify Your Life

Erika Magyarosi — Tue, 11 Mar 2025 06:24:03 +0000

We all do it. Overthink. Obsessing. Turn minor setbacks into existential crises. A misplaced word in an email, a missed deadline, an unanswered text-we let these things consume us.

But what if a simple phrase could help us take a step back and breathe?

“It’s just.”

Two little words that can shift your perspective, lighten your mental load, and help you focus on what really matters.

How ‘It’s Just’ Changed My Life

Failing My Driving Test (Again and Again and Again)

For a long time, getting my driving license was one of the hardest things I had ever attempted. I failed not once, not twice, but four times. Every failure felt like a personal catastrophe. I was convinced it meant something bigger—maybe I was fundamentally incapable, maybe I wasn’t meant to drive, maybe I just sucked at life.

Then my mother told me something that changed everything:

“It’s just a driving lesson. It’s just one test.”

She wasn’t dismissing my frustration—she was helping me see reality. This wasn’t a reflection of my intelligence, my worth, or my future success. It was just one test on one day, and I could always take another. Eventually, I passed. And now? Nobody asks how many times it took me.

Heartbreak & Perspective

The same mindset helped me when my heart got broken. At first, the pain felt overwhelming—like nothing would ever be the same. But slowly, I learned to remind myself:

“It’s just one of many.”

One relationship doesn’t define my whole life. One heartbreak doesn’t mean love won’t happen again. One moment of sadness doesn’t erase all the joy still ahead.

“It’s just” helped me keep going.

Why We Overcomplicate Life

Our brains are wired to make everything feel big and urgent.

A critical email feels like a career-defining moment.
A negative comment lingers in our minds for hours.
One rejection makes us question our entire self-worth.

Why? Cognitive biases.

The spotlight effect makes us think everyone notices our mistakes (they don’t).
The negativity bias makes failures feel bigger than successes.
The illusion of permanence makes us believe today’s struggles will last forever.

But they won’t. And that’s where “It’s just” can be powerful.

The Science and Philosophy Behind ‘It’s Just’

Oliver Burkeman’s ‘Cosmic Insignificance Therapy’

In Four Thousand Weeks, Oliver Burkeman introduces the concept of cosmic insignificance therapy—the idea that realizing our smallness in the universe can actually be liberating.

As he puts it:

“To remember how little you matter, on a cosmic timescale, can feel like putting down a heavy burden that most of us didn’t realize we were carrying in the first place.”

If nothing we do is permanently etched into history, why waste time obsessing over small mistakes? That awkward email? The presentation that didn’t go well? The rejection letter? In the grand scheme, they are nothing more than blips on the radar. Why carry the weight of something that, from the cosmic perspective, doesn’t matter?

By embracing this truth, we can free ourselves from the paralysing fear of failure and say, “It’s just an email,” “It’s just one mistake,” “It’s just one opportunity.” Because in reality, that’s all it is.

Stoic Wisdom: We Suffer More in Imagination Than in Reality

The Stoics figured this out thousands of years ago.

Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote in Meditations:

“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

What does that mean? Most suffering comes not from the event itself, but from the meaning we assign to it.

Seneca, another Stoic thinker, put it even more bluntly:

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

Think about it:

You send an email and then spend hours worrying about how it was received.
You replay an awkward conversation in your head, cringing every time.
You anticipate failure before it even happens, making yourself miserable in advance.

But in reality? No one else is thinking about it as much as you are.

Applying “It’s just” to these situations is a way of putting Stoic wisdom into practice. It’s a reminder that most things are far less serious than they feel in the moment.

How to Use ‘It’s Just’ in Daily Life

Try applying “It’s just” in these situations:

Dealing with setbacks: “It’s just one bad meeting, not my whole career.”
Reducing decision fatigue: “It’s just a T-shirt. No need to overthink.”
Staying motivated: “It’s just one workout. I don’t have to love it, I just have to do it.”
Breaking down big tasks: “It’s just one email. I can send it.”
Facing rejection: “It’s just one ‘no.’ There are more opportunities ahead.”

The power of this phrase is that it shrinks problems down to their true size.

When ‘It’s Just’ Doesn’t Work

The Hard Limits

There are moments when “It’s just” doesn’t apply.

When my mother passed away, I could not say “It’s just a mother.”
When facing deep grief, injustice, or trauma, dismissing feelings isn’t helpful—it’s avoidance.
Some pain needs to be fully felt, not reframed.

The Soft Limits: When ‘It’s Just’ Becomes an Excuse

Then there are the times when we use ‘It’s just’ as self-sabotage.

“It’s just five minutes of social media” → But 45 minutes later, you’re still scrolling.
“It’s just one more episode of Friends” → But suddenly, it’s 2 AM, and tomorrow is ruined.
“It’s just one more cookie” → But your goal was to eat more mindfully.

Here, “It’s just” is a trap. It makes small indulgences feel harmless—until they add up.

The key? Use ‘It’s just’ with intention.

The Lesson? Know Your Limits, But Don’t Fool Yourself.

Some things aren’t small. But many things are.

Life gets easier when we can tell the difference.

So, try it today. What’s one thing you can reframe with “It’s just”?

Want to set better boundaries? Download my free guide: “Say No Confidently.”